14 Months of Breastfeeding

My baby has turned out to age 14 months. She already can walk, talk one-two sentences, and have four teeth. For this 14 months, I also have breastfeeding her without any help from another type of milk, beside my breastmilk. I can say I'm happy, proud, and a little bit sad.

I'm happy because I am successful give her the best nutrition, the best antibodi, that another milk can't give. I'm proud because it's not an easy process. At the beginning when my daughter was born, my breastmilk seems like not there. My baby didn't drink anything for three days. The hospital didn't allow to give her formula milk (that I thankful now). She seemed a little bit yellow. My baby was crying and wanting to drink milk but I didn't have it. And I just can cry.. How can my baby was crying and I can't give her anything? For the first time, I felt fail as a mother.

But thankfully I didn't surrender. I still try to breastfeed her, buy manual breast pump, and determined to only give her my breast milk. I can say there was still a lot of shortage of mine as a new mother. I can not endure during nights, my hubby gave her water while I was sleeping because exhausted, also gave her 'oralit' while we wasn't knowing that a new born baby naturally has to poop 10 times a day. And addition of those crying moments because of baby blues and because of others talking negative things about me as a new mother made breastfeeding process is not a simple thing.

Not only lack of breast milk that made me cry. Even when the breast milk is in much amount, it can be also made me cry. It happened because I didn't routine pump my breast milk. The dry breast milk was locking the way out and after been sucked by my baby, pumped, and massage by using warm water, it still can't be fixed. My breast was swollen and painful when I touched it. The only way to fix it was by cleaning the dry breast milk in my hilt, even it turned out to bleeding :'( And it's not happen once, but several times.. I thank God I can survive and pass those situations.

And then this time is coming. I'm sad, because I have to accept that my breast milk is decreasing in the second year. The stock in the refrigerator is also decreasing. While my baby still having three times a day drink milk when I am working. And I make a choice to add plain UHT milk starting this Monday. I'm starting with 80% breast milk and 20% UHT milk. Fortunately until today, her digestion system is OK.

Oh Dear, honestly I want to still only breastfeed you until you are 2 years, without any help from other type of milk. But I must accept the fact that I can't. But the most important thing is this breastfeeding moments are worth to struggle because you, my daughter, is worthy.

My five racks breast milk, some are blooded

(Now only ten plastics left)

My daughter,

I will still breastfeed you when I'm home, and I will still pumping two times a day when I'm at office. OK? :)